10C sunny but high thin haze.
Worked in the yard and got things started for a garage sale on Saturday. Then a nice dinner and evening to celebrate M's birthday. Was a nice warm day. Cool nights, warm and sunny days in September = Indian summer. And no there is no such thing as First Nations summer,  just ask one.

 “How many hours are there in a day, haven’t I worked all day, didn’t that bloody bear almost kill me, was it my fault I was passed out when that stupid boat went by?”

  The moose smiled. Can moose smile? “Yes the bear almost did finish you, but something stopped it, yes you worked all day through your pain and no it wasn’t your fault you passed out. But there are twenty-four hours in a day; the answer to everything isn’t muscle.  You are doing better, but don’t let your guard down, think – use your brains. Don’t look at set backs as disasters, see them as challenges. Let me ask you a question. Are you angry because you are here, because you are injured, because the bear ate your food?”

  As he prepared to reply, Nat felt himself drifting up and in a moment he was hovering beside the moose.  He looked down to his bed and strangely he was still lying there, he said, “This happened before, how can I be in two places at once?”

  “That person down there is the person without, the person here beside me is the person within.”

  Nat nodded satisfied with the reply and somehow more at peace, his frustration and anger suddenly dampened answered in dreamlike tones.  “To answer your question, three questions actually, yes I am angry, it isn’t fair you know.  I was just doing my job, living my life and now I am here.  Why me?  It isn’t fair. Do you think it’s fair?”

  The moose stretched his neck, bringing his head close to Nat’s, his eyes soft with compassion,   “No Nat I don’t think it’s fair, but it happened, the plane crashed, the bear ate your food and injured you; it isn’t fair but it happened, you are here. Now tell me what must you do?”

  Nat stared into the dark brown eye; his first thought was to say that he would just continue, to fight to survive.  Then in a flash of understanding, “It isn’t enough that I keep working and finding food, I must accept what has happened, not struggle within myself against the unfairness. I must embrace the fact that I am here and all those things happened, then I can focus on what I have, what I must do.”

  The moose nodded slowly and smiled again, a different smile, “Yes Nat, but what if you are not found, if food runs out?”

 Nat thought for a moment before he replied once more.  “If things don’t work out, I’ll know that I have done my best, I will set a deadline to be found and then I will move on. If what I do or don’t do doesn’t work. I understand it has nothing to do with fairness.  I guess the best answer is what is – is and my job is to either accept it or change the ‘is’.

  “Good Nat, difficult to put into words but I know you now understand.” The moose lumbered to its feet, “I will leave you now, but if you need to talk with me I won’t be far away.”

  As Nat nodded, the moose disappeared and he felt himself spiraling down to where he still lay staring into the sky.

  

19

W

hen Nat awoke the clouds had rolled back in, but a bright spot on the eastern horizon indicated he had slept later than usual.  He stretched gingerly, a few sore muscles but nothing like the day before.  As he re-stoked the fire he found that he was whistling through his teeth, he paused thinking, ‘hey I feel pretty good today’.  He looked up at the sky, ‘if those clouds settle there’ll be no planes today, oh well I would really like to see if my pond project works.’ Thinking for a moment he decided to see if he could find anything to eat so he would have a bit more energy for his excavation project. As he started out he snapped his fingers, went back and pulled out the vinegar jug and the snare wires he had prepared days before.