his last thought as he flopped back and curled into a ball.

9

A

 crackling noise awoke him; he sat up and looked at the fire before him in puzzlement.  ‘How did that start?’ He wondered.  Then as a slight movement caught his eye, he peered across the flickering flames at the face of the young boy who sat there.

  “Where did you come from?” He asked.  He didn’t feel surprise, just curiosity.

  The boy smiled slightly, “Oh, I’ve been here all along.”

  “Here?” Nat asked. “You live here?”

  “No.” Was the reply, “I’m just here, I was there too.” He waved a hand off towards the direction Nat had come from.

  “Well why did you wait for dark, who are you anyway?”

  The boy smiled again, “Don’t you know?”

  The reply didn’t annoy Nat but it frustrated him.  “What game is this?  You arrive here, light a fire and now you want to play a guessing game?”

  The boy turned serious, “It’s no game, look at me. Think back you know who I am.”

  Nat studied the face across the flickering firelight, yes he did know him, ‘but how could a twelve or thirteen year old that he knew be out here?’

  The boy leaned forward, Nat gasped, suddenly feeling fear.  “No, no it can’t …, how can it…?”

  A nod from across the fire, “Yes, now you know. I’m you. Why should you be afraid? Afraid of yourself?”

  “But, but it can’t be.” Nat stammered.

  “Why can’t it be?  I didn’t die. I just haven’t been around much.”

  “What do you want, why are you here?”

  “It’s not what I want, it’s what you want.  You wanted me so here I am.”

  Suddenly angry Nat shouted, “No, that’s not true, I never wanted you, I don’t need you. I want, I want, I …”  Nat paused, looked down and said in a quiet voice, ‘I don’t know what I want.” He turned and looked off into the night.

  From the other side of the fire, a voice, a different voice, a feminine voice “Perhaps it is me that you want, you always did.”

  Nat whirled back and rose to his knees, his eyes staring.  Across the fire the boy was gone, in his place a young woman her face solemn.  Nat stared and whispered, “Terri, Terri oh Terri.”

  “Yes Nat, I am here.” Was the soft reply

  He stared taking in her dark eyes half hidden in the shifting light, her long black hair falling to her shoulders, her beautiful face.  How long? How long since in an immature rage he, angered by her insistence on waiting, had stomped out of her life and through willful stubbornness never went back?  How long?

  “Why Terri, how …?” He couldn’t go on.

  “Nat, although you left me, I loved you and because of that I will always be a part of you.  What is inside your mind, your body needs me and I am here.”

  His eyes filled with tears, tears of self-pity and tears for what could have been, he struggled to his feet and stumbled around the fire.  There was no one there.

  He called her name, “Terri, Terri come back, come back.”

  There was no reply there was only the darkness beyond the flame.

  He sunk to his knees then full length on the ground he rolled onto his back and stared into the night sky.  As he lay there and the tears slowed and dried he felt himself lift and suddenly he was floating in that night sky looking down at himself lying stretched out on the gravel and twigs. He glided in a circle then felt a soft touch on his shoulder, he looked sideways and there gliding beside him was a white moose.